Catnip Conundrum
by Persiana13
Summary: One Shot. Farrah. Cat-nip. Hawkgirl. Aquaman. Do I really have to spell it out for you? Takes place in the DC Persiana-verse.


**Catnip Conundrum**

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana._

_AN: Farrah. Cat-nip. Aquaman. Hawkgirl. Need I say more?  
_

One Shot

Flash smirked as he ran around the Watchtower, into the cafeteria. He was carrying a small box gift wrapped. He strolled in and sat next to Persiana, a white-haired were-lioness, and her two friends Supergirl and Wonder Girl. The speedster grinned,

"Hey, cat girl."

Farrah smiled,

"Hey, Flash."  
She eyed the box,

"Who's the gift for?"  
Wally grinned,

"For you, kitty."  
He handed the box to her. Farrah opened it and picked it up. It was a toy mouse. Kara grimaced,

"Ew! Flash, that's disgusting!"  
Donna nodded in agreement,

"How horrid!"  
Farrah tilted her head,

"It's very thoughtful. Thank you, Flash."

Wally shook her head,

"Don't thank me yet. It's not an ordinary toy mouse. This one has catnip in it."

Farrah sniffed the mouse.

In the next few moments, the lioness' eyes widened and she started salivating. A wide smile stretched from ear to ear, and she had a glazed look in her eyes.

Donna placed her hand on her friend's shoulder, concerned,

"Sister, is something the matter?"

Persiana jumped for joy, shouting,

"YYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

She flipped in the air, doing somersaults and cartwheels on the floor, tables, even on the ceiling. All the while, she was cackling maniacally and shouting every few seconds,

"I love you all! I love you all!"  
Persiana ran around and started kissing everyone, and bolted down the hall, her laughter echoing throughout the halls of the Watchtower.

Supergirl and Wonder Girl both glared at Flash. The Fastest Man Alive swallowed nervously,

"It was a good idea at the time."

**Ten minutes later…**

The Big Seven, minus Hawkgirl, were meeting in the conference room. Each one of them had lipstick kisses all over their faces, courtesy of Farrah's cat-nip high. Batman glared at Flash,

"What were you thinking?"

Flash said,

"Oh, c'mon. I was just trying to cheer her up."

Superman said,

"Do you have any idea what cat-nip does to cats? It makes them spacey."

He then looked around,

"Where's Hawkgirl?"

Just then, the Thanagarian warrior walked in, dripping in mayonnaise, lettuce, mustard, and tomatoes. She glared murderously at Flash,

"I will kill you when I get cleaned up."

Green Lantern narrowed his eyes,

"What happened to you?"  
Shayera shouted,

"THAT WOMAN TRIED TO PUT ME IN A SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER KNEW BREAD COULD BE BAKED TO THAT SIZE!! SHE EVEN TRIED TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Flash quipped,

"I'm not surprised, considering you need a whole loaf just for Shayera's butt."

Hawkgirl shrieked,

"DIE!"  
A brawl broke out between the two. John winced,

"Oh, that is not a pretty sight."

Batman blinked,

"I had no idea a mace could be used like THAT."

A scream was heard,

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
The seven founders turned and saw Aquaman running, being chased by a drooling Persiana, wielding the biggest filet knife any of them had ever seen. Aquaman shouted,

"FLASH, I KNOW THIS IS YOUR DOING! WHEN I AM DONE ELUDING HER, YOU SHALL BE BEHEADED!"

He narrowly avoided the long blade again and bolted down the hall.

Everyone blinked at that. Wonder Woman said,

"We have to stop her before she hurts herself."  
Flash added,

"Or turns him into fish sticks."  
Everyone glared at the Fastest Man Alive. They would have their revenge later, oh yes.

The Big Seven finally caught up with Persiana back in the cafeteria. She was being held back by Kara and Donna, while a whimpering Aquaman was huddled in the corner. He said,

"Please, I have a wife and son! What will you tell them when you eat me?"

Farrah had a maniacal grin,

"We can have them over for dinner! I'm thinking they'd go good on a rice pilaf, and carrots, don't you?"

She tried to go for the knife, but Supergirl shook her head,

"Calm down, Farrah. You don't really want to eat him."

The lioness nodded,

"Yes, I do! Maybe I'll fry him and have fish and chips! I wonder where I'm gonna get the French fries!"

Farrah was extremely wiry and almost slipped out of the hold. She got the knife and made a lunge for the ruler of Atlantis. Aquaman screamed girlishly in fright.

That is when it all stopped, and Farrah screamed in pain. She held her head, moaning,

"OW! The lights are too bright! I have this pulsing headache!"  
**Later…**

Persiana had her head on a table, an ice pack over her head, and some hot black coffee was sitting on the table. She was moaning,

"Oh, God. Now I remember the last time this happened. I swear, I was gonna get off this stuff forever."  
Donna asked,

"This has happened before?"

The lioness nodded and explained…

**Flashback, a year after Farrah joined the Avengers, Marvel 616.01…**

Hawkeye, the wise-cracking purple costumed archer, had a small paper bag with him. He walked by Farrah's room and knocked on the door. The lioness asked,

"What is it, Clint?"

The archer smirked,

"A gift. I got it at the local pet shop."  
Farrah shot an even look,

"Is it another flea collar?"

Clint clutched his heart dramatically,

"Oh, you wound me so. No, it's this catnip mouse."

He pulled out said product and waved it in Farrah's face.

Persiana, at this, jumped and tumbled around the mansion, on a cat-nip high. She raced all around the mansion, screaming frantically,

"I WANT FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I WANT CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Captain America and Scarlet Witch both came to see what the ruckus was about. A nervous Hawkeye said,

"What are you guys doing here?"

The shield slinger said,

"We heard the noise. What happened?"

Hawkeye rubbed the back of his head,

"Well, ya see, Cap. I kinda got Farrah this catnip toy and-."

"FARRAH, GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Quicksilver was running for his life, screaming,

"HOW IS SHE KEEPING UP WITH ME?! I'M THE FASTEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!"

Persiana was in hot pursuit, her tongue hanging out and she was drooling so much, it left a trail for everyone to follow. She ranted,

"COME BACK, MOUSE! YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THIS MORE FUN FOR ME!!!!"

Wanda smirked,

"Well, at least she's getting some exercise."

There was another scream, this time more of an animal. Falcon's partner Redwing, a falcon in its own right, was screaming down the hallway, covered in mayonnaise and lettuce. Farrah was chasing the bird with two large slices of bread, big enough to be baguettes. Sam Wilson was in hot pursuit of the animal running,

"Hawkeye, when Farrah's off her catnip high, you're dead! I know you had something to do with this!"

**End Flashback, present…**

Farrah rubbed her head,

"The rest is kind of a blur."

Diana folded her arms,

"Well, I hope you learn your lesson this time, sister."  
Farrah nodded, moaning,

"Can I go to bed?"  
Superman nodded and she was about to go when Batman said sternly,

"The mouse. Now."

Persiana pleaded,

"Can't I keep it?"

A unanimous response came,

"NO!"

Persiana pouted,

"Meanie."  
She handed him the mouse and walked away, the ice bag still on her head. Wonder Girl and Supergirl were helping her back.

Aquaman turned to the speedster and roared,

"I SHALL KILL YOU, FLASH!"

Flash swallowed nervously,

"Uh-oh."  
He bolted out of there, an irate Atlantian ruler in hot pursuit, wielding a trident. Superman asked,

"Do you think we should help him?"

Hawkgirl shook her head,

"He'll be all right. I'm gonna grab a shower and then help."

Diana looked at the mace-wielder,

"You're going to help Flash?"

Shayera shook her head,

"Hell, no. I'm gonna help Aquaman puree Flash for his little stunt."

She flew off, clutching her mace,

"HEY, AQUAMAN!!! SAVE SOME FOR ME!!! I ALMOST BECAME A TURKEY SANDWICH!!!

End of One Shot


End file.
